Cats are so unique and independent that sometimes you wonder whether they didn’t drop in on us from another planet…
Chapter One: The Beginning
Far, far away in space there is a planet inhabited entirely by tomcats. Well – not quite entirely. There are also she-cats and kittens, naturally. But “Land of Tomcats, She-cats and Kittens” is a bit of a mouthful, so the planet is simply called TERRACATTA – the Land of Cats. Just like ours, it has different continents, countries and cities.
In the country of CATLANDIA, in the province of CATTALONIA, in the city of CATTERBURY, there lived a cat. Of course, plenty of other tomcats, she-cats and kittens lived in Catterbury too, but… our story begins with this particular cat. His name was Pawkins.
Pawkins was a thoroughly well-brought-up cat. Every morning he woke up in his little cot, washed himself carefully, drank a glass of warm milk, peeped out of his pretty little catsement, smiled at the good morning, and went off to work. And at work, Pawkins made and mended those very same pretty CATSEMENTS.
Cats, like people, live in houses. But cat houses have neither windows nor doors. Cat houses have only CATSEMENTS, which are set higher than a human front step but lower than a human window.
On this sunny morning, Pawkins woke up as usual, washed, had his breakfast, looked out of his catsement and smiled at the good morning. He was in such a splendid mood that he even felt like writing a little poem. But everybody knows that cats don’t write poems. So he simply gave a contented meow and set off for work.
Today’s job was a very important one: mending the CATSEMENTS of none other than Catsimir himself. Catsimir was the name of a rather well-fed cat who served at the Town Hall as mayor – or, to be precise, as MEOWOR!
And it was to this Meowor Catsimir that Pawkins now made his way.
Chapter Two: The Writing on the Wall
As Pawkins was approaching the Town Hall, where the Meowor had his residence, he saw a crowd of cats gathered in front of the building, all meowing loudly about something. In the crowd there were ordinary cats and she-cats, and also famous and respected citizens – the so-called “cream” of society: Meowor Catsimir himself; the champion of cat rights, Cattorney CLAWDIA MEOWKOVICH; the famous singer Miss Mewsette; the city’s Chief PURRSECUTOR, Esmurrilda Meawrillo; the elderly Constable Catnip; and Chief Inspector Cattani.
Coming closer, Pawkins could hear what they were saying.
“How much longer are we going to put up with this?” meowed Miss Mewsette.
“This is no longer a childish prank – it’s hooliganism!” said Constable Catnip. “All right, the first scribbles on the walls did make us smile… Remember? Tomcats are nitwits, or She-cats are flea-bits… But this is going too far!”
“Damage and vandalism of municipal property!!!” added the Meowor.
“Mark my words,” Miss Mewsette went on, “this is far from the first improper inscription to appear on our houses of a morning. Our mornings have stopped being good, and soon we, too, will stop being good. Yesterday I found a downright insulting inscription on my own house.”
“And what did it say, my dear?” asked the Chief Purrsecutor.
Miss Mewsette hesitated, but in the end she answered: “It said: MISS MEWSETTE’S VOICE IS SOUR – SHE SINGS OFF-KEY HOUR ON HOUR!”
“Well, my voice has not gone sour at all! A voice isn’t milk – it can’t go sour, can it?!”
“Quite so, my dear, it’s all very sad,” Catsimir summed up. “But what we see before us now shows disrespect not only to me personally, but to the Town Hall – and therefore to the whole city!”
Coming right up to the Town Hall, Pawkins saw the blue inscription that the citizens had been talking about so excitedly. It read:
THE FATTEST CAT, FOR EXAMPLE, ISN’T FIT
TO BE A MEOWOR – NOT A BIT!